People like to ask where I am now and what I'm doing. I certainly can't blame them because I have often (and still do) the same to others. Like college students. And high school seniors. And retirees. Poor people.
They're great questions if you know the answers to them. If you don't, I'm finding, at least for me, answering them requires lots of patience. Or maybe it's humility. I should just say, "I don't know," but I often chicken out and try to prettify my answer by relying on my "facility of language" to make the long explanation of options and choices and dilemmas concise enough to fit into a one-sentence answer.
And believe me, I can create some very long sentences especially when I have fifty things to say and I really want to give you a complete picture of the ins and outs of my thinking because I really don't want you to think I'm a lazy person who has no motivation at all even though some days I feel like that and to prove it let me tell you I've applied here and there or recently found out information about this thing and that thing and, oh, yes, doesn't that sound great? and how on top of that I'm struggling with relationships and figuring out what normal is again and--oh, wait! I'm not finished yet but you have to run so I understand and yeah, we'll catch up again another time. Hope you have a great day!
Whew. That process has been agonizingly painful. Almost every time.
It came to me this past weekend that the best answer for now is that I'm in Limbo La-La Land. I'm limbo-ing between two states and between two vastly different paradigms of life while contemplating another in the name of figuring out what's best for me at this moment. There is some definition on the horizon, but it's amazing how nebulous it appears from different daily vantage points.
The not-too-funny ironic thing is, I fear I may be the one blurring something God sees as purely straightforward by residing in Limbo La-La Land.
No comments:
Post a Comment