Reflections

Now that I've been home from Guatemala for a little over two months, I feel I am finally adjusting to the idea of moving onto the next thing.  What it is, I know not.  It feels a little bit like graduating from college and having the whole world seemingly at my feet.  I have the opportunity to discover the next step and dream new dreams--and since I don't have specific ones at the moment, I have been praying that God will shape the desires of my heart to help lead me in the right direction.

I had the opportunity to share about Guatemala with a group in Ohio and a group in Kentucky.  I am so thankful for those who have stayed in touch with me throughout this experience, and it is a joy for me to share what I have done and what I have learned with others.  Here in this blog, you've seen snapshots of what I've done.  What I've learned?  Maybe I haven't been quite as transparent about that.

What I've learned (and am still learning) has made me feel exposed.  I think I've tried for many years to create a facade for myself that I approve of through what I do.  My deeds have given me value.  However, these ideas were challenged in Guatemala.  I faced a time where suddenly there was no one there to pat me on the back or check off what I had done.  After growing up and working in a system with constant feedback, having this stripped away or minimized forced me to find a new way to find value.  The head knowledge of knowing our value should come from Christ needed to become real to me.  By the time fourth quarter rolled around, I knew that my motivation to teach and keep going had to be to give glory to God.

Exposure is a little terrifying.  But I think coming to terms with myself, that I do have many struggles and challenges and growth areas, has been part of the growing process. At least I like to think it is.  Learning to believe that Jesus loves me just as I am, that I can never be that perfect person I want to be on my own, and deriving my value from Him instead trying to make a three-ring circus of my life is a lesson I hope to get soon.  Really soon.

So now?  Learning about patience and waiting and investigating ideas and opportunities even if I don't know or think they are a sure thing.