A Good Shot...or Not

After going shooting on a piece of undeveloped land with my friends today, my experience and my friend LB's observations have led me to develop ten reasons why you should not hire me as a bodyguard:

1. I find picking daisies much more intriguing than playing with guns.  Let's focus on the aesthetics, not violence, people.
2. My arms are too weak to bear the weight of a rifle for very long.  This rules out the military (or a job as a sniper) as a career, I'm pretty sure.
3. I'm tired of shooting any gun after about two shots.  Really, 20 rounds in one magazine?  Yawn.
4. The stench of putrid gunpowder burns my nose and is highly distracting.  Can I protect anyone else when I'm worried about polluting my own lungs?
5. I much prefer lying in the grass and cloud-watching than shooting up targets when in a field.  Wordsworth, you are such an inspiration.
6. I quickly lose interest in analyzing the accuracy of my shooting when there are periwinkle butterflies floating around the targets.  I heart nature.
7. I'd like to keep my hearing, thank you very much.  Wearing big bulky ear protection doesn't fit my sense of style.
8. Shooting pistols almost makes me cry.  Seriously--it was a good thing I was wearing sunglasses.  It would be hard to defend anyone if I were crying at the same time.
9. My interest in learning to shoot is purely literary.  My mind goes more quickly to how I could name the parts and describe a gun than it does to using it in defense.
10. It would take me about five minutes to reload.  Last time I checked, bad guys don't usually agree to time outs.

Sure, I hit the bull's eye a couple of times (out of 200), but today confirmed what I learned last time I went shooting:  I sure have a strong distaste for it.  I might even despise it.  I pray I will never need to shoot a gun in real life.